Life and Death

Its funny how people you just assume will be there and therefore you have taken them for granted and don't really keep in touch, suddenly, like an act of very insensitive attention seeking behaviour just vanish in thin air and leave you to keep thinking of all the times you could have been in touch, did you actually wish that person happy birthday the last time you could, of course you didn't know then that it would be the last time. One such incident happened recently with a friend and it just made me sit up and think of all the people I have not bothered to keep in touch with!! Friends, relatives, ex room mates, college mates, everyone. I just shudder to think what will I do if someone so close does the vanishing act on me again (When my father passed away I was to young to realise the impact and when I did realise I was old enough to deal with it.) Somehow for a very long time I would keep prepapring myself for people in my life who would just leave and go, like my mom and my sis, my very close friends, my boyfriends, it was crazy I would imagine how it would be and I would also actually cry at the shock of it all. Then I realised that I can never be prepared for something like this and as and when this will happen, I will be impacted and I will have to deal with all that I have to deal with then, so there is no point. Infact in keeping myself ready for this I would not let myself get too close to people, I guess this was the imapct of my father's early death. Atleast now I haven't managed to kill everyone in my head and seriously, I feel a lot more free now, coz if someone has to go then that someone has to go and I don't think I can ever be prepared enough. It is better this way as then I live for today and worry about tommorrow only when it becomes today